So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
