now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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