i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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