i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
