my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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