Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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