Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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