just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
