i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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