Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize