goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
