Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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