I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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