wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
