I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
