So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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