So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
