i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
