you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
