I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
