i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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