I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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