my soul wont recognize me after tonight
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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