Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
