I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize