We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
