Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
