she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
