she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
