what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
