Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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