question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
