last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
