I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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