I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
