I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
