Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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