You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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