We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
