also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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