my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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