And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
