I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
