Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i now understand why vodka
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
