my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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