walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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