ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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