in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
