At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
