I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
