it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Randomize
