I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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