I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
whose ass print is on the piano?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
