I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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