Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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