My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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