Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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