Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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