oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
