Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
