I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
