She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
