Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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